45 years ago on this day I was born…very premature, not ready for this world or any other. I often feel as bewildered and lost now as I must have then. Except experience has beaten most of the screams out of me. I can still laugh sometimes, though. Humor truly is a pulse.
At a certain age (generally after 40), birthdays aren’t really a cause for celebration but rather an embarrassment, a day when regrets and loneliness stare a man straight in the face. I have led a stupid life; I have too often been at the mercy of both my own fears and what seems to be a cosmic conspiracy to create elaborate, often cruelly ironic practical jokes at my expense. I can’t say that I’ve deserved any better. If I were religious, I’d catalogue my sins and call them that. Since I’m not, I find other words. And sounds.
Music has always been a solace and maybe the purest thing in my life. But when I think about the motivations and stories behind these songs that I have created, I realize they are all tainted in one way or another—so many speak to loves lost or loves unrequited, frustration, solitude, although all also suggest an enduring strength and joy. Some are a sweet and gentle breath of life and others a shout. Maybe I’ve reached the point where I hide in them. Whatever else they are or I am, if nothing else it’s all human—occasionally transcendent, occasionally not, but trying.
Below is a short version of “the birthday song” that I recorded for a special someone a few years ago.
Related
One thought on “birthday thoughts (11/29/2015)”
Beautiful birthday song, Royce. Happy birthday to you! I agree with and understand your birthday thoughts. Life is hard. Often I wish that Eternal Sunshine movie was true, where it was possible to have certain memories, painful memories and regrets, be cleared from our minds so that they couldn’t haunt us. I hope that when you do look back and think through your past mistakes, that you also think through your successes and all the good you have brought to the world. If Gorilla were able to have written you a goodbye letter I’m confident it would have been filled with nothing but compliments, appreciation, and love. Sure, he’d probably also have thrown in some love-life advice, but in a loving way. 😉 And as for us humans, I for one, can say that I’ve only ever experienced goodness from you. Even though our lives have drifted apart, in all the time I have spent with you in the past, you have gifted me with joy, and laughter, and comfort, and wisdom. Those things have meant a lot to me and shouldn’t be taken lightly, so please add that to your list of things you’ve done well in your 45 years here on this nutty planet. I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Tolkien which is, “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” I love that.
Have a great day my friend. : )
reverse e n t r o p y 
Beautiful birthday song, Royce. Happy birthday to you! I agree with and understand your birthday thoughts. Life is hard. Often I wish that Eternal Sunshine movie was true, where it was possible to have certain memories, painful memories and regrets, be cleared from our minds so that they couldn’t haunt us. I hope that when you do look back and think through your past mistakes, that you also think through your successes and all the good you have brought to the world. If Gorilla were able to have written you a goodbye letter I’m confident it would have been filled with nothing but compliments, appreciation, and love. Sure, he’d probably also have thrown in some love-life advice, but in a loving way. 😉 And as for us humans, I for one, can say that I’ve only ever experienced goodness from you. Even though our lives have drifted apart, in all the time I have spent with you in the past, you have gifted me with joy, and laughter, and comfort, and wisdom. Those things have meant a lot to me and shouldn’t be taken lightly, so please add that to your list of things you’ve done well in your 45 years here on this nutty planet. I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Tolkien which is, “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” I love that.
Have a great day my friend. : )
LikeLike